...because I haven't been saying anything.
My internal dialogue is pretty much gone. This may be a good thing, I guess. I'm more whole in purpose and spirit than I've been in an extremely long time. I do miss the arguments, though.
Woke up, 2am, gotta pee. Find that the bathroom light's burnt out. Must deal with it, but first:...
Absent-mindedly scratching my chest, scratch a spot where I had an ingrown hair. Weird thought #1: "Huh, I remember this body having that scab there." ...wait, what?
Unthreading the light bulb. Weird thought #2: suddenly, the process seemed so quaint, so... archaic, like this was a long-ago abandoned way of doing things. Threaded fasteners on replaceable single-point bulbs instead of permanent light sources! And the fit of these threads - sloppy! How did people ever put up with this?
I padded over to the small service closet where I thought bulbs were kept. The history-lesson thoughts continued. Cardboard box of bulbs, all loaded from the sides! Marvelling at how old everything was, as if it hadn't been normal practice for decades.
Thread in new bulb. Remember to not look at the bulb while threading it in, in case the power was left on. Got something from that, too, but the past-shock sense was starting to fade.
Last bit before it faded emirely, I started to get nolstalgic about my bedroom.
WTF? Does this mean that I'm going to live for another 50-60 years?
my head is the size of a watermelon!
and i have little matchstick arms
what the hell
I opened the door and there was a bedroom full of all of my forgotten things.
There was also a person in there, a shadow, his back to the door, his hands were behind his back, and they were twirling a baton or something.
"I'm here to pick up my new door."
"Here you go sir."
"This can't me mine, it's the wrong color. It's red."
"I'm sorry, but it's the only one we have."
"But it's the wrong color! I can't have that, it looks all... rednecky."
"Beggars can't be choosers, sir."
"Does my car look red? No, it does not. It looks black. That's because it IS black. And you can't put red parts on a black car, it's just wrong."
(manager walks in) "What's the problem here?"
"I SEE A RED DOOR AND I WANT IT PAINTED BLACK!"
- based on a true story